How to stay sane in these outrageous times

When every day is a battle to keep your head on straight

The world feels nuts. 

On a global scale, obviously. But also in my Los Angeles community, this year has held so much loss. Our home life has also felt chaotic for various reasons, which means, of course, that spiritually and emotionally it has been hard to settle lately. 

In fact, in the last few years I’ve only been able to find pockets of peace, and even those are fleeting. And I don’t want to live that way. I don’t want this decade of my life to be marked by chaos and discontent. 

And so a few months ago, resolved to make some changes in my habits, relationships, and spirit, I started looking for the magic THING that would help me feel better inside. Was it meditation? Manifestation? Would breaking my phone addiction be the key? Did I need to take a good, hard look at my priorities? Have some tough conversations with loved ones? Eat better?

Well, yes, yes, yes, and yes, but also….no. 

I was not (am not) doing or not doing anything that requires radical change. My personality will not adopt a whole new routine overnight. I like who I am, I like the work that I do, I like what my life looks life, I just need to find and hold onto some inner equilibrium. 

And it turns out that after trying a bunch of new apps and approaches to my daily schedule, and putting all kinds of rules around my phone usage and sleep schedule, the thing that has made the most difference in my inner wellbeing has been the 4 things that I have preached continually online, on my podcasts, and in my books for the last fifteen years:

READ. JOURNAL. SHARE. NOTICE. 

The answer has been within all along! 

Now, these are things I already do daily, but too often they’re on autopilot. I needed to shake off the cobwebs of this wisdom and recommit to these tangible actions in order to feel like Laura again. And I have to maintain them as a practice everyday to feel like the highest version of myself regularly, instead of fighting life’s algorithm. 

Here’s a breakdown of what these four things mean to me:

Me, casually reading in sequins

READING

Books are my first and greatest love. The books themselves teach me and entertain me and let me escape and expand my perspective. The act of reading reminds me of who I am. “I am a person who reads” is a powerful part of my identity. So many times when I sink into a book, I’ll notice after 15 minutes or so that my breathing has evened out, my mind has cleared. It doesn’t matter what I’m reading, the very act regulates my nervous system. 

The most consistent part of my reading routine is 20 minutes of morning reading. I do this almost every single weekday and feel off when I skip it. 

Every weekday morning, around 7:30am-ish before I have to take my teenagers to school, I set a timer for 20 minutes and read several pages of nonfiction. I choose nonfiction specifically because otherwise those books don’t tend to get read when there’s an immersive novel around. I usually choose a book that will set the tone for my workday, so these are books on productivity, business, writing, or occasionally inspiration. The 20 minute reading timer is helpful here because I can usually only do short spurts of this type of content anyway. 

A note on my most triumphantly preached life hack:

The twenty minute reading timer will change your life. 

Everyone has twenty minutes. Reading is better than scrolling. It helps you meet reading goals and get out of reading ruts. If you’re trying to kickstart a reading habit or get through a certain book or break your social media addiction, the 20 minute reading timer is your answer. 

I also read throughout the day when I can and always have my kindle with me. (If you’re in the market, I highly recommend the latest Paperwhite.) I’m not a big tv/movie watcher, so I read in the evenings. And then my favorite part of the weekends is usually a few hours carved out for uninterrupted reading. This is how I rest and recharge.

JOURNALING

I’ve kept a journal since I was a child and I am passionate about teaching the idea that journaling is for grownups. We have so many preconceived ideas about journaling (that it’s only for angsty teenagers, that it’s for people with lots of turmoil, that it’s somehow dangerous to write things down, that it’s only for spiritual people or people with more time) when really it’s very simple: journaling takes things out of our heads and onto the page and helps us find clarity. 

I have a lot of thoughts about journaling, but here are my most important ideas:

• Don’t use a fancy notebook. Use the plainest one you can find. (Precious notebooks subconsciously become a barrier to writing down our messy thoughts in our messy handwriting.)

• Stay aware of if you’re unconsciously journaling for a future audience. (If you’re writing for your ancestors or your future self, this will change what you write. There’s a place for that type of journaling, but be aware of when you’re doing that versus communing with your current self.) 

• Throw it away if you need to. (We have this romantic idea that our journals will one day be read - possibly published! - by others, including the people in our lives that we’re journaling about. This naturally keeps us from writing truth. If you’re journaling for growth, healing, and clarity - as opposed to journaling for documentation - then the benefit is in the process and not in the finished product. You gain the wisdom as you write, or soon after, and you might never need to revisit those words specifically. If you have reason to worry about your messiest thoughts being found and read, just throw the entries away! “Journal” does not equate to “keepsake.”) 

For a deeper dive on my journaling thoughts, you may enjoy this podcast episode: Ep 249: 4 Ways To Journal (For People Who Don’t Like Journaling)

Over the course of my life, journaling has showed me time and time again what I really thought of a situation or a person. Sometimes I simply don’t know until it comes spilling onto the page. Journals have let me whine, complain, and pity party privately so that I don’t do that in front of others. Journals have proven when I was right, when I was wrong, and how far I’ve come. 

SHARING

I wrote a whole book about this one. I frequently point back to a lonely season in Los Angeles when I was new mom as my light bulb moment about sharing, because that was when I started a blog and, after years of trying, finally met my people. That’s all true, but what is also true is that I’ve always been a sharer. 

Growing up in a family, culture, and religion that encouraged me to share myself less only made me louder. So, as you can imagine, I feel lucky to be born in the age of the internet. 

But my constant harping on sharing isn’t really about posting online. I understand the stakes there for most people. It’s about sharing yourself in the spaces where you are: your friend groups, book clubs, marriages, etc. 

Sharing your stories and opinions only brings you more into yourself. Even when sharing feels scary. Even when it gives you a vulnerability hangover. You cannot be your fullest and highest self if you are hiding what makes you YOU in order to please others. 

I also cannot talk about sharing without mentioning the important counterpart: listening. Sharing isn’t about having a megaphone. I do want you to be seen when you share, but I hope it also gives you eyes to SEE. 

Which brings me to….

NOTICING 

My forays into mindfulness started as a way to quell lifelong anxiety. I read Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hanh and Tara Brach (among others) and these teachers changed my life. 

Noticing - as opposed to bulldozing through my day as a way to conquer or be on autopilot as a way to not feel my feelings - became my religion. 

I notice my thoughts without judgement. I notice how I feel in my body. I notice other people’s words and reactions. 

Alright, fine, I try to do all that noticing. Sometimes bulldozing and emotional autopilot feels damn good. 

But in contrast to the three actions I’ve written about here (reading, journaling, and sharing), noticing is all inner work. It is, obviously, the hardest one. But it’s also what gives my days meaning and what grounds me in this world. 

Noticing says I AM HERE. 

Because we are here. In these outrageous times. 

And we have to find a way to not only survive, but to make some meaning out of it all, to evolve our spirits for the sake of the next generation. We have to keep our heads on straight and think about the big picture of our lives. 

Would our 8 year old selves be proud of who we’ve become?

Will our 80 year old selves be cheering us on? 

We can’t be swept up in crazy, we have to stay sane.

These are my four ways. I’d love to hear yours!     

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Signing off (sort of) sane,