Honestly, the part about friendships being for seasons has been the most impactful thing. I had a friend who showed up for my darkest days. But I've grown out of the place I was. Recently, after hanging out with her, I've been miserable. Like crying and deeply hurt by passing comments. Her friendship saved my life (literally) but that doesn't mean she gets to be the cruise director for the rest of it.
This is so real! I have at least 2 friends that were there for me in really dark times, and I’ll always be grateful to them for that, but it doesn’t mean I had to keep them in my life when they treated me badly
I’m in tears, Laura. You always amaze me with your transparency, candor and ability to share such tender parts of your life. I’ve had a couple really painful friendship experiences the past two years and can relate to this so much. I’m sorry that you felt friendship walls crash down after writing a book (a great book!) about friendship. In the words of Alanis, “Isn’t it ironic?” I don’t know why it happens either but thank goodness for other friends like the one you Zoomed with that day. Thank you for leading this sharing community by example! Hugs, friend! 😊
This kinda got me in the heart! Almost every day I think about one of more friendships that have faltered or failed...on a good day it's easy to realize that not every friendship will last forever, but on a normal day it's often difficult to convince yourself you aren't the problem. I'm so glad you had that conversation with your friend! As well, sometimes I feel like a fraud because I am teaching my students the same things that I have trouble remembering, but it's just not that simple and that's just not how it works.
Oh Laura… the degree with which you share your vulnerability and truth is what makes your message so palpable to us all. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for continuing to share your message. It’s so important. I’m so sorry friend that you had to go through those hard things in relationships. Grateful that you can offer us lessons on the other side. I mean it when I say I’m a fan of “all things Laura.” You are so valued! ♥️
I've also had several very close friendships end -- some as fairly direct endings, some as more of a slow burn end -- in the last couple of years. Your words on the microphone and here have been such a balm to my heart and feelings of loneliness or unworthiness -- and I am so glad that a friend was able to be that mirror for you. I'm in a season of stil struggling with what friendship looks like as a working mom with a big job and two young kids born when I already was of an "advanced maternal age" and a move to a new and smaller town that made our big city ties harder to keep knotted tightly. It's also made me realize that I've always been an "in this season" friend, for better and sometimes for the worse. I didn't put the effort in as a young person to keep the ties with my high school or college friends, I don't have the childhood friends who have known me in all the seasons (and I cried when you talked about your friends from home on your podcast who know why some things with your parents or siblings are BIG things....because they KNOW them). I have been trying to make peace with the fact that I can't change that part of history or make different choices or make people choose to remain close to me. I've also never really had a "friend group" and most often have been the "second best" friend versus the titled BFF. Your work has made me realize that I'm not alone in this and not something that I have to hold with feelings of shame. So thank you for sharing your stuff so we can share ours (and this definitely turned into more of a feelings dump than I intended!!)
I have been with Secret Stuff since the beginning and 10 Things before that. You’ve been my “friend” as I have had to move to different states because of my husband‘s job, We now live in The Villages in Florida, which is absolutely wonderful, but talk about friendships/social predicaments….WOW! I tried to pick The Life Council as the book for our bookclub next month, but a friend thought it might “too much” for some…(I swear 1 woman basically wants porn!! 😂😂😂) Anyway….this post was raw and honest….and I loved it! #1 I know you will write another book #2 This post has encouraged me to do a mini-separate, special session of the Book Club…and do this book. I can choose who to invite…and KNOW that I might be surprised by those who would rather not do the it and maybe I will even be surprised by someone who hears I am doing it and wants to participate…either way I’m giving it a shot.
Thanks for this post! (Btw…I rarely read Substack. I’m just getting into it. I don’t know what made me read it this morning but I’m so glad I did!)🧡
I am on the older side. As life shakes out you will end up with your truest friends, the ones who were with you every step of the way, the good, the bad and the ugly. It is a wonderful thing. I raised 3 sons and their friendship journeys are so different. No drama. Just being there for you when it counts. Despite different paths and different geographic areas, they are still bff’s with childhood friends.
Thank you so much for sharing. I have been through a very similar season without having written the book! I read yours when it came out and felt like all my “seats at the table” were filled and I was feeling pretty good with myself for curating such an amazing group as my council - and then…things fell apart. Learning about seasons for friendships has helped me not only walk away without the feeling of failure and unworthiness but also walk toward new friends and also friends from a previous season. Thank you for helping me by sharing your own really hard experiences!
This gave me all the feels ... my heart hurts with/for you. Thank you for being vulnerable with us. I am sooooo grateful I stumbled upon your podcast a year ago and now have the pleasure of being in Secret Stuff. You are such a joy and what a special friend you must be. Want a seat on my council? 😉♥️
Honestly, the part about friendships being for seasons has been the most impactful thing. I had a friend who showed up for my darkest days. But I've grown out of the place I was. Recently, after hanging out with her, I've been miserable. Like crying and deeply hurt by passing comments. Her friendship saved my life (literally) but that doesn't mean she gets to be the cruise director for the rest of it.
This is so real! I have at least 2 friends that were there for me in really dark times, and I’ll always be grateful to them for that, but it doesn’t mean I had to keep them in my life when they treated me badly
I’m in tears, Laura. You always amaze me with your transparency, candor and ability to share such tender parts of your life. I’ve had a couple really painful friendship experiences the past two years and can relate to this so much. I’m sorry that you felt friendship walls crash down after writing a book (a great book!) about friendship. In the words of Alanis, “Isn’t it ironic?” I don’t know why it happens either but thank goodness for other friends like the one you Zoomed with that day. Thank you for leading this sharing community by example! Hugs, friend! 😊
This kinda got me in the heart! Almost every day I think about one of more friendships that have faltered or failed...on a good day it's easy to realize that not every friendship will last forever, but on a normal day it's often difficult to convince yourself you aren't the problem. I'm so glad you had that conversation with your friend! As well, sometimes I feel like a fraud because I am teaching my students the same things that I have trouble remembering, but it's just not that simple and that's just not how it works.
Oh Laura… the degree with which you share your vulnerability and truth is what makes your message so palpable to us all. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for continuing to share your message. It’s so important. I’m so sorry friend that you had to go through those hard things in relationships. Grateful that you can offer us lessons on the other side. I mean it when I say I’m a fan of “all things Laura.” You are so valued! ♥️
I've also had several very close friendships end -- some as fairly direct endings, some as more of a slow burn end -- in the last couple of years. Your words on the microphone and here have been such a balm to my heart and feelings of loneliness or unworthiness -- and I am so glad that a friend was able to be that mirror for you. I'm in a season of stil struggling with what friendship looks like as a working mom with a big job and two young kids born when I already was of an "advanced maternal age" and a move to a new and smaller town that made our big city ties harder to keep knotted tightly. It's also made me realize that I've always been an "in this season" friend, for better and sometimes for the worse. I didn't put the effort in as a young person to keep the ties with my high school or college friends, I don't have the childhood friends who have known me in all the seasons (and I cried when you talked about your friends from home on your podcast who know why some things with your parents or siblings are BIG things....because they KNOW them). I have been trying to make peace with the fact that I can't change that part of history or make different choices or make people choose to remain close to me. I've also never really had a "friend group" and most often have been the "second best" friend versus the titled BFF. Your work has made me realize that I'm not alone in this and not something that I have to hold with feelings of shame. So thank you for sharing your stuff so we can share ours (and this definitely turned into more of a feelings dump than I intended!!)
This was beautiful, and I’m so glad you shared it ❤️ Thank you.
I have been with Secret Stuff since the beginning and 10 Things before that. You’ve been my “friend” as I have had to move to different states because of my husband‘s job, We now live in The Villages in Florida, which is absolutely wonderful, but talk about friendships/social predicaments….WOW! I tried to pick The Life Council as the book for our bookclub next month, but a friend thought it might “too much” for some…(I swear 1 woman basically wants porn!! 😂😂😂) Anyway….this post was raw and honest….and I loved it! #1 I know you will write another book #2 This post has encouraged me to do a mini-separate, special session of the Book Club…and do this book. I can choose who to invite…and KNOW that I might be surprised by those who would rather not do the it and maybe I will even be surprised by someone who hears I am doing it and wants to participate…either way I’m giving it a shot.
Thanks for this post! (Btw…I rarely read Substack. I’m just getting into it. I don’t know what made me read it this morning but I’m so glad I did!)🧡
I am on the older side. As life shakes out you will end up with your truest friends, the ones who were with you every step of the way, the good, the bad and the ugly. It is a wonderful thing. I raised 3 sons and their friendship journeys are so different. No drama. Just being there for you when it counts. Despite different paths and different geographic areas, they are still bff’s with childhood friends.
Thank you so much for sharing. I have been through a very similar season without having written the book! I read yours when it came out and felt like all my “seats at the table” were filled and I was feeling pretty good with myself for curating such an amazing group as my council - and then…things fell apart. Learning about seasons for friendships has helped me not only walk away without the feeling of failure and unworthiness but also walk toward new friends and also friends from a previous season. Thank you for helping me by sharing your own really hard experiences!
This gave me all the feels ... my heart hurts with/for you. Thank you for being vulnerable with us. I am sooooo grateful I stumbled upon your podcast a year ago and now have the pleasure of being in Secret Stuff. You are such a joy and what a special friend you must be. Want a seat on my council? 😉♥️